I Don't Want to Talk About It
I Don't Want to Talk About It
Terrence Real
Peter Attia
One of the most important books I’ve read, reread, and gifted to many friends. - Peter Attia
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I Don't Want to Talk About It

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression

Terrence Real
By
Terrence Real
4.3
3280
ratings on Goodreads

In "I Don't Want to Talk About It," Terrence Real delves deep into the often overlooked and stigmatized issue of male depression, presenting a compelling argument that many behaviors traditionally viewed as quintessentially male are in fact cries for help. With over two decades of experience in treating men and their families, Real combines his professional insights with poignant personal stories, including his own, to shed light on this silent epidemic. His narrative illuminates how societal expectations of masculinity contribute to the problem, forcing men into a prison of emotional isolation and denial. This groundbreaking book offers more than just an analysis; it provides a beacon of hope for men trapped in the depths of untreated depression and for those who love them. Real offers a clear pathway out of the darkness, advocating for a new understanding of masculinity—one that allows for vulnerability and healing. Through a mix of psychological insight, practical advice, and heartrending accounts of his patients—and himself—Real demonstrates how confronting and healing from depression not only can mend broken relationships but also can transform lives across generations. "I Don't Want to Talk About It" stands as a vital call to action, urging society to recognize and address the true nature of male depression.

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Released
1997
1 Jan
Length
384
Pages

1

recommendations

recommendation

One of the most important books I’ve read, reread, and gifted to many friends. - Peter Attia
They have learned not to expect their father to attend to them or to be expressive about much of anything. They have come to expect him to be psychologically unavailable. They have also learned that he is not accountable in his emotional absence, that Mother does not have the power either to engage him or to confront him. In other words, Father’s neglect and Mother’s ineffectiveness at countering it teach the boys that, in this family at least, men’s participation is not a responsibility but rather a voluntary and discretionary act. Third, they learn that Mother, and perhaps women in general, need not be taken too seriously. Finally, they learn that not just Mother but the values she manifests in the family—connection, expressivity—are to be devalued and ignored. The subtext message is, “engage in ‘feminine’ values and activities and risk a similar devaluation yourself.” The paradox for the boys is that the only way to connect with their father is to echo his disconnection. Conversely, being too much like Mother threatens further disengagement or perhaps, even active reprisal. In this moment, and thousands of other ordinary moments, these boys are learning to accept psychological neglect, to discount nurture, and to turn the vice of such abandonment into a manly virtue.
— Terrence Real, I Don't Want to Talk About It

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